Leaving the hospital and driving home held a loneliness that only the early morning hours know. We asked questions of ourselves and of the others. Her boyfriend came home with us to spend what little was left of the night. At home, we chatted some more before heading to bed to try and catch some sleep with try being the operative word. The morning held on to the quietness and sorrow within each of us. We drank coffee and headed out to see her. We wondered and worried about how she was doing. We ached to know more, but patiently waited to find out.
Visiting hours for the program were set in stone and only twice a day. We went shopping for food before going because the hospital did not know how to do a menu for someone who was vegan. The store held the rustle and bustle of a Saturday with people going about their every day business. Nothing out of the ordinary for them, but for us the world would never be ordinary again. Food picked and packed, we headed over to the hospital with eagerness and apprehension.
Unlike the store, a hospital on Saturday holds a quietness and reserved atmosphere. We wandered the gift shop. We sat and watched television and then at the appointed time headed down the hall and pushed the buzzer. The buzzer sounded back and we entered the ward. Inside her room, she had been drawing. The picture reminded me of the ones she used to draw in high school. She shared with us the program and meetings she had attended. At this point, she also made the first revelation. The doubt about who molested her no longer existed. It was her dad. Nothing more said than this, but it was enough to send the world crashing down. We did not push for anymore because she was not ready. She needed a few things, so we made a list. Then we ate and said our goodbye’s until the next visiting time.
The weekend filled with visiting her and shopping in between visits for food to take to her. On Sunday during out visit, she told me that she was going to call one of her sisters and let her know what was going on. It was part of her treatment plan. I was not sure what she was going to reveal to her sister, but in the meantime, her sister had called me to let me know that their dad had announce he getting married. When she called her sister that night, she told her everything and then her sister told her about their dad getting married. We received several calls from both of them who were upset and hurting from the news the other provided.
One revelation compounded by another. I wondered if this man would ever stop hurting us. The answer of course was no. We could not erase the memories or repair the damage. The past effects the present and the future. Our present changed as we now had to confront him.
This stirs such emotion in me. I have read a few of your blogs, your ex reminds me of my in-laws. My husband came out in 2007 with being molested by his brother for seven years. His family has turned on him and have said things like, your making a big deal out of this and his brothers response was we were just two kids being stupid. His brother was 4 years older than him and beat the crap out of him during the day. He doesnt acknowledge he molested him. His mom has dismissed the abuse as well as him and his dad just wants to fluff it off. I believe the abuse began with one or both of his parents and that is why they are so eager to move on. They believe I am an instigator in this. Not surprised. Its clear to me when somone really has something to hide they will go to great lengths to protect it with blame, pity me tactics, avoidence, accusations etc.. anything to get the SPOTLIGHT off them. Taking responsibility implies guilt.
I appauled you for believing your daughter and supporting her.
Marlene