Comments for Do Not Tell Alice's Weblog

Comment on I’ve Seen the Needle… by donottellalice

donottellalice — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 18:14:51 +0000

Thank you for you comment and yes, I would be interested in helping. When this all started almost two years ago, I did not find many resources or stories. I am glad to see this change, but it is bittersweet in that it means that there are more cases of innocence lost as well… Keep me posted about what I can do to help etc.

Comment on I’ve Seen the Needle… by Ariel

Ariel — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:28:27 +0000

I wanted to Tell you both about this Organization I am beginning to start I have dealt with Abusive fathers for over 20 years in one way or another and KNOW all too well how the system can fail for us – this is just starting and everthing is in a beta form –

I do wonder if you would be interested in helping us in any way possible?

Comment on Childhood Sexual Abuse: Telling and Sharing of Life Stories by arieljoy28

arieljoy28 — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 18:50:47 +0000

Arielssolace.org is about just this, it is a in the infancy stages as far as an organizaton is concerned – but The focus is the mothers of incest victim, and sometimes they too are survivors themselves. But the issues of the mother are very much more complex then one can imagine. depending on what point the disclosure is made –

I am a mother of two Survivors of incest – one disclosed the abuse when she was young – and I fought the battle to protect them as best as I could and then my 21 year old just began to remember – brings a different level of pain –

I too beleive that this is somethign we as mothers – protectors – secondary victims need to talk about and not many people can handle our realties.

Arielssolace.org will have a members only forum for just that purpose check it out and please join us.

Comment on I’ve Seen the Needle… by paintmebrave

paintmebrave — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 20:30:48 +0000

I am also a non offending parent, formerly married to a sex offender. I am looking forward to curling up tonight and reading all of your posts. I have yet to have the opportunity to meet another woman that walked in my shoes.

Comment on Justification and Excuses Given for Sexual Abuse by sohurt

sohurt — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:55:43 +0000

my daughter has a speech problem (stuttering) and has been going to counseling and has voluntarilly gone to a mental health hospital for depression. my ex is using it against her now that he’s charged with molesting her from ages 12-14. she only started seeking counseling around the time he started molesting her and asked to go to mental health hosp. to get away from him because she couldnt stay with anyone else. i wish i had known the signs back then but no one wants to think that their husbands are capable of doing such terrible things to their own step daughter whom he wanted to adopt. he’s making it seem like she’s crazy. it makes me so angry. my child is very smart. she’s in the 8th grade and reads on a 12th grade level she is a very sweet child that’s never tried to harm anyone. it’s not fair that she is going to be viewed that way.he has already done enough harm to her.

Comment on Sad, But True: We Are Not Alone by Ana

Ana — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 17:28:29 +0000

Is it worth it to fight against the one who don´t want to see?
Is it worth it to fight against the one who is responsible but don´t want to see?
Is it worth it to look for some understanding in the one who just want to look ahead?
Is it worth it to beg for the one´s humanity when there was any at the time?
Is it worth it to fight for the one´s recognition failure?
I was raped and I am my big enemy.
I fight against me every day.
I fight for my acceptance every day.
I fight for me to stay inside me and not to abandon me every day.
I fight and fight and fight and it is so difficult.
Why is it so difficult to accept what happen?
Why is it so difficult to look beyond what happened?
Why is it so difficult to forgive?
Does this fight make everything hard?
Should I even fight?
Shouldn´t we accept?
Accept what happened?

Comment on No More Secrets by kangaroopaw

kangaroopaw — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 09:50:23 +0000

I’m reading your blog today because I saw my child rapist father in law today at the house of one of his abused daughters. She has forgiven him and has a very close relationship with him and her mother.
My husband and I have been keeping our distance for the past year or so. I have decided not to engage with my father -in-law because he disgusts me. I can’t look him in the eye.
I also find it difficult being around the family en mass because I just do not understand their family dynamics.
My husband’s family is split.
The abused daughters tolerate and seem to have a relationship with the father. The non-abused sons do too. Only one of the abused daughter seems to have a reluctant relationship with them.
Have you watched the movie Doubt?
I saw it and one line made me think of my father-in-law.
“Where is your compassion?” the priest asks.
“No where where you can get to it,” is the nun’s reply.

My father in law has used the same line with me. He plays victim and reminds me that God has forgiven him.

As children we are brought up to believe that we must fix things. That there is a solution to everything. But as we get older, we realise that sometimes you just live with the mess and things do not get better or easier. You just come to a new sense of normality.

Your daughter, and the rest of your family, is lucky to have you as a mother because you are making life easier for others in your family by taking this stand.

My husband’s family is a mess. There are so many secrets and lies.

Comment on No More Secrets by Reflection

Reflection — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 00:15:44 +0000

I just ran across your blog today. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I belong to various on-line support groups for non-offending parents and also have recently started my own. I have seen sooo many families torn apart by CSA. Often somebody doesn’t believe, or doesn’t want to take sides. The important thing is that YOU believed. That is what your daughter needed. Even at the age of 23 you still want your mother’s support and comfort. You have given this to her! That makes you an amazing MOM!!! You would be surprised at how often the mother doesn’t believe or does but won’t acknowledge it. I remember when my daughter disclosed to me. We immediately reported it to the police and were assigned an advocate. I remember a couple of days later, maybe it was a week, the advocate telling me that she wished all the parents reacted the way I did. She said my daughter was lucky to have me as a mom. So now I say that to you. Your daughter is LUCKY to have you as a mom!!!

Comment on Childhood Sexual Abuse: Telling and Sharing of Life Stories by Rob Brown

Rob Brown — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 19:41:50 +0000

I made a video about my childhood. If you look in my youtube channel, you’ll see another video about the aftermath.

Comment on Update: Time and Sharing Helps by incestsucks

incestsucks — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 08:35:19 +0000

Hello, It’s been a while since I’ve blogged or checked in on this blog as I have been focussing on my family. I went back to work to get some balance in my life. To distract myself from my husband’s family’s dramas.
It’s nearly been a year here since the revelation, confrontation and aftermath. The rest of my husband’s family has slipped back into automatic pilot mode and the abuser and enabler are playing pathetic victims.
I had relented. It was too difficult to keep my distance without their constant harassment and guilt trips, so I invited them to my house. I went out for the day but I allowed them to see their grandchild with my parents present. It was to make life easier for all of us. After this, they kept pushing for more access and to suck us back into the circle.
Today he wrote a letter to my husband quoting the bible, telling us that he knows compassion why can’t we? He plays victim, drags out his own sorry story, uses his age and religion against us.
It sickens me and I want less to do with them. He says everyone else accepts him why can’t we. We must go to their home. He is the patriarch.

The people he abused are still under his thumb. He does not understand that I am not his daughter, he has no control over me. He has no say in my life.

They are so selfish. If they had any insight they would understand how difficult this is for their son. The mother even had the nerve to say, “but we never did anything to you!”

Who are these people? I wish they’d stop hiding behind religion.