It has been a year and so it seems a story update is needed. We made it through the year, but still the battle is not over. A lot has taken place and only a few things have changed. Here is an update on our story.
My daughter changed therapists and stopped taking the medication. This brought worry at first, but seems to be the correct path for now. The therapist pointed blame a lot on others and did not help deal with living life now. Now she is going to a new therapist who is helping her with life skills to deal with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Being off medications results in more roller coaster rides, but less depression. Yeah, it is weird to have a medication to help with depression that causes suicidal/depression thoughts and makes you want to stay in bed all day. She is less confrontational and wants more connections with the family (us, her sisters, and her nieces and nephews), which is taking place. She is in a new field of work and sees it as a calling.
As for the family, my oldest still seems to believe it did not take place where my middle daughter believes someone did sexually abuse her little sister, but still not sure it is their dad. The two older daughters still see their dad on a regular basis. I do believe however that he is never left alone with the grandchildren. This brings me a little relief.
Her dad continues to live his life with his new wife. He still attends the church of Christ and serves in teaching bible class, leading prayer, and other duties. He does not have any contact with my youngest daughter and we do not have any contact with him either. He still denies it and has not shown any sorrow about all that my daughter has gone through. He only displays anger toward her and us. We are still the sinners, the “ungodly,” and because of this, we are the ones who are wrong and liars.
As for myself, the road is still bumpy and hard. I am still the one trying to balance it all. It is like spinning plates on the end of a tall stick balancing on my nose. I still believe my youngest daughter. I still feel as though I failed her and deal with this every day. I wish I could go back in time and take them all away when they were young. I wish I had pushed her harder to tell me when it first came up so many years ago and she kept denying because his control put fear in her heart and she was protecting me. So many wishes…
So life continues and I will continue to write in this blog about it. Writing and sharing helps with the healing. I am thankful for all who have commented and shared their stories. A year later, I feel less alone as others have shared their stories in this blog. Many insights and stories shared. It is sad to read about as we would like to all deny it even takes place, but stories that help us understand…it helps us survive each day…Time and sharing helps heal us all…
Hello, It’s been a while since I’ve blogged or checked in on this blog as I have been focussing on my family. I went back to work to get some balance in my life. To distract myself from my husband’s family’s dramas.
It’s nearly been a year here since the revelation, confrontation and aftermath. The rest of my husband’s family has slipped back into automatic pilot mode and the abuser and enabler are playing pathetic victims.
I had relented. It was too difficult to keep my distance without their constant harassment and guilt trips, so I invited them to my house. I went out for the day but I allowed them to see their grandchild with my parents present. It was to make life easier for all of us. After this, they kept pushing for more access and to suck us back into the circle.
Today he wrote a letter to my husband quoting the bible, telling us that he knows compassion why can’t we? He plays victim, drags out his own sorry story, uses his age and religion against us.
It sickens me and I want less to do with them. He says everyone else accepts him why can’t we. We must go to their home. He is the patriarch.
The people he abused are still under his thumb. He does not understand that I am not his daughter, he has no control over me. He has no say in my life.
They are so selfish. If they had any insight they would understand how difficult this is for their son. The mother even had the nerve to say, “but we never did anything to you!”
Who are these people? I wish they’d stop hiding behind religion.