There are landmines in my life. I cannot see them and do not know ahead of time that I am close to one. They just come like ghosts in the night and flashes in the day. I am fine one minute and then boom, I step on one and my life goes off the rail. My eyes flood, my chest becomes heavy, and I feel all alone. Other times I become angry and grouchy. I want to scream, yell, and stamp my feet loudly. Anxiety, depression, hurt and anger are my dance.
I never knew these feelings–not at this depth–before the revelation of the sexual abuse of my daughter by her own dad. Now I not only know them, but I live them everyday. I have a stronger understanding of the appeal of escaping life through drugs, alcohol, or even suicide. I give thanks that somewhere deep inside me is a strength that keeps me going and keeps me from giving in to them.
I go about my daily life watching where I step and how I move. Everything is different for now I live in fear of these land each and every day….
