There are so many of them, that it is hard to know where to start. You hear them and you shake your head while fighting the urge to shake the person who is saying them. What are they? They are justifications or excuses as to why an adult molests/sexually abuses a child. They are justifications or excuses that try to validate the innocence of the adult molester.
Here are the ones I have heard.
He is such a good father. He would never do that.
He is a godly man and could not molest his own child (or others).
He does not look like the type.
They say he molested her, but she is too friendly with men so it was probably someone else.
She came on to him and was mad when he did not accept her advances so she made it up. (Said about a child under the age of 10)
She did not like her dad/step-dad so made it up to get even.
Her mother put her up to this to get back at her ex-husband because she is mad about the divorce (etc.).
It was someone else and she just thinks it was him.
She saw it on TV and thinks it is real, but he would never do that to his own child.
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I know there are more, but I am getting depressed and angry just writing the few that come to the top of my head. Please comment and add ones you have heard.
How about “He wouldn’t have needed to have sex with his daughter if her mother had been a better wife.” Mothers, please believe that you are not to blame or responsible in any way.
Perhaps this quote from Lundy Bancroft will be helpful to you: ” Incest perpetrators are similar to partner abusers in both their mentality and their tactics. They tend to be highly entitled, self-centered and manipulative men who use children to meet their own emotional needs….they are often controlling toward their daughters (or sons) and view them as owned objects and tend to use seduction and sweetness to lure their victims in….The mentality and tactics of the incest perpetrator are very similar to those of the partner abuser including self-centeredness and demands that his needs be catered to, manipulation, cultivation of a charming public persona, and requiring the victim to keep the abuse secret.”
No wonder our reaction to the justifications and comments is depression and anger.
My ex told his friends:
“She saying I molested my daughter to get back at me for having a girlfriend.” Then he fled the country. By doing this, he told everyone what he had done in a way that made it look like he was completely innocent, and I looked like a manipulating, deceitful, spurned wife.
my daughter has a speech problem (stuttering) and has been going to counseling and has voluntarilly gone to a mental health hospital for depression. my ex is using it against her now that he’s charged with molesting her from ages 12-14. she only started seeking counseling around the time he started molesting her and asked to go to mental health hosp. to get away from him because she couldnt stay with anyone else. i wish i had known the signs back then but no one wants to think that their husbands are capable of doing such terrible things to their own step daughter whom he wanted to adopt. he’s making it seem like she’s crazy. it makes me so angry. my child is very smart. she’s in the 8th grade and reads on a 12th grade level she is a very sweet child that’s never tried to harm anyone. it’s not fair that she is going to be viewed that way.he has already done enough harm to her.