Christmas eve arrives along with our guests. Gifts are placed under the tree, hugs are given, and chatter fills the air. I work on the dinner and try to read faces and listen for emotions in bits of conversations. Everyone is on the upside for the moment. Dinner follows with more chatter. I notice my youngest has withdrawn a bit into herself and I am not sure what is going on. I am now on high alert. I make a comment about the field roast they are eating and she says it is good, but she is not that hungry. Did I miss something? We continue eating and she finishes first. She picks up our 1 year old granddaughter and takes her into the other room to play with her. The rest of us finish eating and clean up. Chatter continues on the surface as we celebrate, but underneath we all seem to hide what is really going on inside.
By the time we open presents, things seem back to normal and she is laughing and celebrating with us again. I tell myself she just needed a break, but still I worry about something being said or done to upset this night. Dessert follows as we gather around the table. Soon the little ones are getting tired and their thoughts turn to Santa. We start to say good-byes and good-nights as each family leaves. After they leave, my husband and I stand on the driveway and stare at the full moon that illuminates the cloudy sky in a peek-a-boo manner. I realize that the moon symbolizes the night and what the family is going through. We celebrate while hiding our emotions of turmoil, belief, and disbelief. As we tried hard to keep these emotions hidden, but they peeked through at times on our faces and in our actions much like the moon above on this cloudy evening.
