Sleep Fails Me Now

It is 4:15 am and I am up once again. I have been up most of the night. I go to bed, but sleep escapes my grasp as my mind spins like a clock with the snooze button constantly being pushed. One thought trails off and then another buzzes in to wake me. A new thought grazes through. The night is made of thoughts and torments. The replaying of dates, ages, signs missed and signs misread. The question of sides and who is telling the truth. The questions of belief and sexual abuse. The question of incest and the church of Christ. The questions of life, loving, hurting, and living. When these thoughts stop then the events of the day intrude like a sharp knife. The pain and hurt groove patterns into my mind and there is no escape. So here I sit at 4:15 am because sleep fails me now.